Purpleminds NLP

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Dealing with Difficult People

PurplemindsNLP Blog

Dealing with Difficult People

Dealing with Difficult People
Dealing with Difficult People
We find them in just about every area of life in varying degrees , those people who have the art of being unreasonable , objectionable and darn right irritating ! So what can you do with them ? How can we manage the situation and what makes the difference ?
Dealing with Difficult People

The truth is we actually have no control over the actions of others , and sometimes not even the circumstances that surround us , but we do have absolute control over ourselves !!!

Firstly, it’s important to understand that everyone has different values in life and no two people are the same . These values govern our choices and underpin our identity and let’s face it , the world would be a pretty dull place if we were all the same ! So if you find yourself in the company of another who doesn’t have the same values as you, it’s worth remembering and accepting that’s how life is . For the record we tend to only hang out with people who have similar values to ourselves which is why the difficult people appear difficult !

The second thing to notice is who’s issues belong to who ? It’s not your job to take on other people’s stuff, but it is important to notice it ! It’s also worth noticing what’s going on for you personally . If you got up grouchy then that’s your stuff and blaming others is probably not helpful ! Take ownership of what’s yours and leave the rest with them .

The relationship between you and the difficult person can be eased greatly by understanding what’s really setting them off . What’s causing them to say those harsh words, spit fire or infect the room with bad feeling ? Figuring this out gives you the ability to change the dynamics of the situation and make that difference.

A cool little way of doing this would to imagine you are watching a typical scenario with this person on your tv or laptop . Notice what’s being said , how everyone is responding/ reacting to each other and most importantly get a handle on how the key players are feeling ! I would put money on you noticing several things you hadn’t noticed before ! As we said before having control over others is never going to happen , but now you have an insight into the situation you can change the way you behave around them the next time you find yourself in a situation with your difficult person . The dynamics of your relationship with them will then change.

Another really useful tip is to choose a quiet moment when you have the place to yourself and imagine this person is in the room doing their difficult person behaviour , saying what they do. Take yourself over to the spot where you imagine them to be and do their body language , say the words and you will automatically get how they are feeing . It gives you some clues how to handle them and yourself the next time .

I had a friend who had a very stroppy teenage son who was obnoxious every dinner time and much preferred to shut himself away in his room . After several months of amazingly difficult and unreasonable behaviour from him, his Mum decided to take 15 mins to try out the 2 methods above . She realised that apart from struggling with raging hormones , he was being bullied at school ! She changed her way of dealing with him and conversations grew to the level that she was able to help her son instead of shouting at him .

The power of NLP ! Brought a tear to my eye !