Everyone has come across this scenario at some point often followed by this kind of reasoning … “well it’s just what I do“ … “My father was the same”, “I’ve always been like it” … and so on. Put simply, this is not so!
Of course, that’s all a way of making sense of stuff we repeatedly do that we wish we didn’t! Sound familiar? So let me explain what’s really going on.
In simple terms, our mind has two main parts, conscious and the unconscious.
The conscious mind takes in information. It’s where we make sense of things and reason stuff out. Then there is the unconscious mind. This part habitually learns from experience. It develops our drivers and patterns of behaviour. Believe it or not, it’s absolutely in charge!
In the same way it’s in charge of your heart beating, your eyes blinking and it also runs our emotional and motivational drivers. It is in the background, unconsciously.
So when you decide not to…
- Drink that bottle of wine
- Eat those cakes in the office
- Shout at the kids all day
- Spend hours on your phone
- Bite your nails
….or whatever it might be, you just find yourself doing it anyway!
At the end of the day when you lay in bed reflecting on all those things you simply can’t stop doing, just remember your unconscious mind is driving the bus!
The thing is, we never run an unconscious driver unless there is something good hidden within it. A positive intention if you like. In other words you will be getting something important out of the thing you can’t stop doing.
Of course your unwanted behaviour will come with a whole lot of nasties . Thinking of the above examples it might be …
- The groggy head the next morning
- Weight gain from eating all those cakes
- Feeling like you are being a bad parent because you’ve been losing it all day
- Lack of productivity because you spent those hours scrolling!
- Short, sore nails
….. or whatever the downside is.
However, if you keep doing it, that’s shows that whatever the positive intention is …. It’s very strong ! This behaviour has an important positive gain at its core !
The secret is to ask yourself what the positive intention is. What keeps you doing what you are doing. What do you get from this in a good way?
Your first response will of course be …. NOTHING!!!
Be patient with yourself and sit with the question . It might take a few minutes for you to come up with the answer. …. However, once you get to the bottom of it you’re in business !
Did you know, that positive thing you get from this behaviour can always be accessed in another way?
For example, let’s say you realise it’s a sense of COMFORT you get from drinking all that wine. Then maybe you could explore how to build this into your life regularly in other ways:
- Take a walk
- Meditate
- Allow time for a soak in the bath once a day
…..that kind of thing.
If the problem persists you may benefit from working with me. I am an experienced NLP practitioner and I have helped people with these kind of issues many times.
Make no mistake, it’s definitely not written in stone. It’s always a choice on some level, probably on the unconscious level.
With NLP change is fast. It won’t take months and it’s very easy to work with.
You can be that person you always wanted to be right now !
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